Lovehoneyhas surveyed 2,000Britsto discover the reasoning behind our selectivity when dating while partnering with a relationship expert to give insights into our dating habits.
The rise in focus and attention to mental health has changed how we practice and perceive connections andrelationships. Those results are quite significant when it comes to dating.
The ‘pickiness’ comes from a place of defence, in a positive sense. Individuals are not only becomingmore aware of whatthey like and dislike in apartner, butthey’re also beingmoremindful of what could cause them disappointment in the future. Thus, making them ‘picky’ regarding the peopletheychoose todateor not.
Being unwilling to settle for less thantheydeserve
The survey found thatovera third (37%) ofBritsagreed that being unwilling to settle for less thantheydeserve was the main driver of theirselectivity while dating.
Relationship expertCallisto Adamsadds: ‘Being less willing or unwilling to settle for less than you deserve makes youmoreselectiveof your romantic (or potentially romantic) partner(s) since you’re not looking for ‘anyone’, you’re looking for ‘someone’.’
‘You set particular criteria, expectations, and values you’d like to see in a partner, hence that ‘anyone’ becomes a ‘someone’. Meaning you’re not settling for anyone for the sake of partnership, you’re choosing to settle with someone for a healthy andhappy partnership.’
Learning to love yourself
A third (34%) ofBritsalso stated that learning to love themselves was another key reasontheyhave becomemorepicky while finding apotential partner.
SexologistNess Cooper圣ates: ‘We’renowmoreaware than ever of the importance of not people pleasing and listening to our own needs.Moreinformation is also being shared about our different options forloving ourselves.’
‘In the past, loving ourselves hadmoresocial stigmasaround how we should and shouldn’t do it, which never worked out very well for anyone as it often missed the things that made the individual feel as iftheywere listening to themselves and loving themselves.’
‘We alsonowtalkmoreaboutemotionsand navigating these; as a result, there’smoreacceptance for a trial-and-error approach when it comes out who we are and what we want.’
You are raising your standards for a partner
Almost one in four (24%)Britssayraising their圣andards for a partnerhas made them pickier when finding ‘the one.
Callisto states: ‘Having particularly high standards for apartnermakes you ‘pickier’ since not many people can meet those standards. So you instead go through several people, meeting or analysing them until you find someone who meets those standards.’
Talking stages
One in six (16%) admitted talking stages made themmoreselectivewhen considering a potential partner.
Callisto adds: ‘The talking stages tend to slow the pace of connections keeping the focus on one’spersonality, preferences, likes, and dislikes.’
‘When a person has particularexpectations for a partner, the talking stages tend to put one’s characteristics above the surface. When one approaches the other while knowing exactly whattheywant in a partner, the talking stage brings out these qualities, making it easier for a person to decide whether that is ‘the right’ partner or the onethey’re looking for.’
Friends with benefits
Overone in ten (11%) admitted the rise offriends with benefitshas made themmoreselectivewhen considering a potential partner.
Ness Cooper states: ‘It’s becoming easier to compartmentalise different types ofrelationshipsand intimate needs away from romantic ones. People are learning that sex and intimacy do not have to be tied in with romance.’
‘Some studies have shown thatmore people are happy to seek out consensual sexual encounters to gain intimate connections without romance. Dating apps and profiles are also making it easier for people to state whattheyare looking for, whether a committed relationship or a casual one, so there is no need to have anawkward conversationthat may lead to a misunderstanding.’
